I never asked you to be in this position, I never asked you to open yourself up for a risk you knew you could not handle. I never asked you to love someone who you knew was out of your league, or seemed like it. You should have just listened to me when i told you a few years ago to put a full stop to it and just take one step at a time. Fair enough you did listen and let a few mindless idiots pass by, and maybe that’s the beauty of it, because along came Mr eye candy. But what’s so different this time? What is it about this particular individual? Is it the way he dresses? Or the way he smiles at you? Better still, is it the way he whispers sweet words to you, and makes you feel more beautiful than you ever thought about yourself? Or is it because you like the same things and share the same dreams? No, I think it is more than that. It has got to be the way he carries himself out, or the way he cares for you, and others for that matter. It is his charisma, so sweet and charming isn’t it? His smile, his systematic walk, his skilled and motivated self. But hold on, so what if it is all that? Didn’t the rest possess two or three of these? Or did they not have their own special ways and qualities? I am guessing they did, but even so, they are not him right? Because he is one of a kind, the lover and friend all in one, the soul mate-(ish), the knight and shining armour you always dreamt of, or rather desired in your life. The total package…
Well now my dear heart, you have decided to be captivated, to get out of your careful bundle the mind wrapped you in. You have decided to break free from the titanium cage and fill yourself up with emotions and let your brain run empty. You have aroused yourself with feelings. Feelings that I warned you about and told you to control. It looks like you have once again submitted yourself fully, because if I remember well, a few weeks ago you impulsively uttered the three word sentence that you never felt like you could ever say again after your first ordeal. And I can tell you that those words have now changed you. They were the doorway to your nobleness and your unconditional way of loving.
The worst thing is, I know you too well, when you set yourself to love, you do it without limits, you compromise, you put your lover’s needs before your own. On the contrary, you also become weak, which others describe as jealousy, but that’s just sometimes, when your respect is at stake. Whether a little bit or a bit more, you are still weak, but that’s okay, because they say when you have that weak emotion, it means you truly care and wouldn’t want to lose that person. Other than that, you also have a tendency of being too attached. Now this, I can tell you is not a very good look, especially if it is towards someone who loves his own space and has a lot of things going for him. Well, it’s also not a good look if you fall for the wrong person who indirectly doesn’t feel the same way as you do, but in this case we know at least he does. Right? Of course he does!
So… #heart, speaking in the name of love, without getting out of topic, I wonder what you are going to do. There are visible side effects to this intensity. But what can I do for you my love? I tried to shield you from the animosity of the nature, but i didn’t do so well, i told you to continue pumping blood but not to catch the feelings, but you felt you could do everything all once. You see, what i don’t like about you is, when the problem comes in, when the going gets tough, you start straining. Suddenly you are rushing blood and beating so fast, until the pacemaker is almost unable to control the heart rate. You also confuse your very best friend the brain, making him try so hard to make ME (the body) to function well. You know you’re meant to work together so get a grip of yourself. But i don’t blame you heart. I know you don’t do all that without a reason. I guess that is how you were created, you beautiful, tender and gentle thing.
I realise you’d rather be told once and for all about what is going on, or be assured every few days or hours even. And I realise that you like to be pampered with sweet words of comfort even when anger is raging or through a tiny bit of sadness, But I’ll tell you truthfully that your human-pathology is complex and unfortunately very different from you. So here is the thing I want you to do now if you can. If you feel you are not getting what you want, then figure out a way to balance the feelings you decided to catch. I know it hurts, I can see it through, and of course the brain always tells me when you both communicate, but just try to encapsulate that it is not the end of the world and life must go on no matter what the situation looks like. Hold on tight through the rollercoaster and let go If you’re given the green light.
My dear heart, there’s no better advice I can give you than this. You are already in too deep.