A letter to the heart

DEAR HEART,

I never asked you to be in this position, I never asked you to open yourself up for a risk you knew you could not handle. I never asked you to love someone who you knew was out of your league, or seemed like it. You should have just listened to me when i told you a few years ago to put a full stop to it and just take one step at a time. Fair enough you did listen and let a few mindless idiots pass by, and maybe that’s the beauty of it, because along came Mr eye candy. But what’s so different this time? What is it about this particular individual? Is it the way he dresses? Or the way he smiles at you? Better still, is it the way he whispers sweet words to you, and makes you feel more beautiful than you ever thought about yourself? Or is it because you like the same things and share the same dreams? No, I think it is more than that. It has got to be the way he carries himself out, or the way he cares for you, and others for that matter. It is his charisma, so sweet and charming isn’t it? His smile, his systematic walk, his skilled and motivated self.  But hold on, so what if it is all that? Didn’t the rest possess two or three of these? Or did they not have their own special ways and qualities? I am guessing they did, but even so, they are not him right? Because he is one of a kind, the lover and friend all in one, the soul mate-(ish), the knight and shining armour you always dreamt of, or rather desired in your life. The total package…

Well now my dear heart, you have decided to be captivated, to get out of your careful bundle the mind wrapped you in. You have decided to break free from the titanium cage and fill yourself up with emotions and let your brain run empty. You have aroused yourself with feelings. Feelings that I warned you about and told you to control. It looks like you have once again submitted yourself fully, because if I remember well, a few weeks ago you impulsively uttered the three word sentence that you never felt like you could ever say again after your first ordeal. And I can tell you that those words have now changed you. They were the doorway to your nobleness and your unconditional way of loving.

The worst thing is, I know you too well, when you set yourself to love, you do it without limits, you compromise, you put your lover’s needs before your own. On the contrary, you also become weak, which others describe as jealousy, but that’s just sometimes, when your respect is at stake.  Whether a little bit or a bit more, you are still weak, but that’s okay, because they say when you have that weak emotion, it means you truly care and wouldn’t want to lose that person. Other than that, you also have a tendency of being too attached. Now this, I can tell you is not a very good look, especially if it is towards someone who loves his own space and has a lot of things going for him. Well, it’s also not a good look if you fall for the wrong person who indirectly doesn’t feel the same way as you do, but in this case we know at least he does. Right? Of course he does!

So… #heart, speaking in the name of love, without getting out of topic, I wonder what you are going to do. There are visible side effects to this intensity. But what can I do for you my love? I tried to shield you from the animosity of the nature, but i didn’t do so well, i told you to continue pumping blood but not to catch the feelings, but you felt you could do everything all once. You see, what i don’t like about you is, when the problem comes in, when the going gets tough, you start straining. Suddenly you are rushing blood and beating so fast, until the pacemaker is almost unable to control the heart rate. You also confuse your very best friend the brain, making him try so hard to make ME (the body) to function well. You know you’re meant to work together so get a grip of yourself. But i don’t blame you heart. I know you don’t do all that without a reason. I guess that is how you were created, you beautiful, tender and gentle thing.

I realise you’d rather be told once and for all about what is going on, or be assured every few days or hours even. And I realise that you like to be pampered with sweet words of comfort even when anger is raging or through a tiny bit of sadness, But I’ll tell you truthfully that your human-pathology is complex and unfortunately very different from you. So here is the thing I want you to do now if you can. If you feel you are not getting what you want, then figure out a way to balance the feelings you decided to catch. I know it hurts, I can see it through, and of course the brain always tells me when you both communicate, but just try to encapsulate that it is not the end of the world and life must go on no matter what the situation looks like. Hold on tight through the rollercoaster and let go If you’re given the green light.

My dear heart, there’s no better advice I can give you than this. You are already in too deep.

Yours sincerely,

ME

Reflections on values

OK, so this is life, you are born,  raised by your family, some single, some extended and some, the whole community. You are brought up, until the point where you are released into the world and this same world starts teaching you certain things that maybe your mother or your aunties were not brave enough to teach you. Well, that is for the ones who do not have a dad around to tell their little girls about the world’s not so merry-go-round. Or for those that their moms are too busy trying to make ends meet that they lack time to advice their daughters. But for some, it’s not that they don’t have that sufficient time, they just lay back and fail to teach their children important values and principles, and in this, they just wait for the world to teach them.

Like it is said on the last ever series of friends ‘The Last One’, I could identify with “The one where she lays back”, or maybe it is “The one where we both live our separate lives”. Two categories? Wow, that is a plus. I say this because, dear mothers who lay back probably assume that as their children grow up, they shall become wiser and learn about the strife and storms of life. Or better still, when they live separate lives, it is because the parent-child relationship is not so close,  because from a child’s young age, they have always seen each other maybe after he or she comes back from school in the evening or after the parent comes back from work. This makes it like a 1 way street. You never catch up with each other, or walk side to side. Never spend time together to enhance the bond or just to talk just in general.

This doesn’t mean these mothers love their children any less, it just means that their own mothers did not pass on the same morals to them so in turn, they felt like they have nothing offer to their kids. I do not hold anything against the mothers, or the fathers who were never there for their children and as much as it rings in my head almost everyday, I would advice anyone in this situation to try not to make it their driving force in life’s challenges. In fact, it should be a motivator and a lesson learnt, to better themselves as they grow up to be mature adults and to make a difference with their children.

You see I  love my mother and grandmother very much. But sometimes I just wish that there were some things that they could have taught me as I was growing up. Things that I can proudly be able to pass on to my children in the future and start the sentence with “My mother once told me” or “Your grandmother taught me this when I was a little girl”. When i say things, i do not just mean the basic how to be happy or who to be happy with lessons, I mean the inmost, underlying ancestral traditions and what they stand for in our community. But then again, maybe they weren’t taught either like I said earlier on.

But believe it or not, if there is one thing that I have learnt from my mother, it is that no matter what your mission in life is, you should always work hard for it and most of all, never forget where you come from, because everywhere you go, tradition is different. And if you lose sight of who you are, who you were brought up as, then what tradition will you give your children?  I guess one time in the years to comes i will at least be able to tell my daughter or my son the value of working hard taught by their grandmother, although it wasnt in a ” come sit down let’s have a chat” way, but as a by the way, or in the middle of a lecture for doing wrong.

It doesn’t matter whether we speak a different language from our parents, or whether we can speak the language but not fluently. I believe tradition emerges from the heart rather than what you speak. It is the overall morals of life, what you believe in, how you do things, how you carry yourself out, how you handle the storms in your life and the happy times too. Tradition is you. Most of all, Who brought us in this world and has been taking care of us and giving us the driving force to move forward even when life gets tough, giving us hope, blessing us, guiding us. God, is our tradition.

So even if I feel that I came from a not so close family, that meets up 3 times a year to have a family barbecue, or to celebrate  Christmas or Easter together, I can still say that love was transcended and through the model of family it has been, I have been able to pick on the positives as well as the negatives and I know I will carry on fine with my children in the near future.

FAMILY plays a big part in molding our upbringing and the values we hold, especially in unconditional love. There’s a life quote that says that all relationships such Friend, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, all have an E.N.D at the end…but family has an I.L.Y meaning I love you. That is somewhat true. But even with that said, if we are not fortunate enough to be in the picture perfect kind of family, we shouldn’t  lose our values and morals of a human being. We should still hold our ground and know how our response and reactions affect different people around us. As the world revolves and time passes by, we shall eventually form our own families, so we should have something positive to give them that they can pass on to the next generations.

Career Shifting

I remember the good ol’ days…As a child, I always had this dream to be an air hostess. The thought of dressing smart, particularly in high heels, and a short skirt, with my hair tied back seemed to amuse me so much. I could see myself flying from one country to the other, meeting different people, enjoying different scenarios. I even dreamt of speaking different languages, especially french and spanish, which i still have a desire to learn even now as an adult. I had it all planned out in my head how I would be taking different pictures and showing them off to my family and friends.

Well…I am sure it has been the same case with most of us when we were young. Some boys wanted to be Astronauts, because they watched programmes on TV about a man landing on the moon, and most wanted to be pilots. Some girls wanted to be nurses, or chefs because of the sort of dolls that their parents bought for them at that young age. However, as we grow up, we begin to differentiate between a childhood dream and the pangs of real life. We realise that whatever we choose to do, has to come from our hearts, not from a model of a desirable lifestyle. The career path we take must be conceived of course through inspiration, but also the very essential ingredients of key skills and the burning passion.

You see for me, it is until I grew up, that I  learnt what being a cabin crew involved, and I had to rethink my options. Yes, I get to dress smart and look beautiful and get a lot of money, And yes I would get to travel to different countries, but the furthest I could get to take photographs as I thought I would, is the entrance or the exit of the airport, unless I’m lucky enough to have a day or 2 off before my next flight shift. Above all that, you realise that there is no consistency in the hours you work and eventually if you get a family, you don’t spend regular time together. This fierce truth made me change my mind and start exploring other career options. But even with that said, some people still do cabin crew. Because they love it, they enjoy it, and they know how to balance their lives around the job, because it’s in their heart.

Everything we choose to do in life is born from our minds and stirred by the passion for it. If you started off by aspiring to be a nurse and now you want to be a lawyer, it is maybe because you realised that your skills best suit standing in front of a multitude in a court room, defending your client rather than sticking a needle in someone else’s vein. The nurse has that passion to do that, because they love helping people get better and making a change in someone’s health.

By all means there is still that minimal group of people, who have grown up with one passion as a child and now they are living, or working towards it. And there are those who never really made up their minds about what career to venture into and as life goes by, they become career shifter every now and then. Some eventually find their ground.

Either way, my point is simple. Whatever matters to you and suits your skills, and whatever you enjoy and can see yourself growing  a level higher every time, pursue such, and do not give up. We all start small, but we can expand, but only something that has potential to expand can actually do so. A creative mind only plays with objects it loves.
Give it focus, Reach your potential.

“Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.”
– Buddha.